okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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