i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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