i just wanna soil my oats bro
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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