put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
