my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
two words...techno handjob
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
