New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
