farters have to be the big spoon...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
