hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
