i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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