i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
