you turned your livingroom into a bong?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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