Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
