so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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