I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
