when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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