It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
