There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you didnt know i had herpes?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
