i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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