i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
