So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
