walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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