we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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