The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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