someone get that fucking seahorse.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
