If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
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I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
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hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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