Me too!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
