Tell her she can't have a vagina
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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