I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
