I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
