a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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