If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
All the doctor said was why
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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