i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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