We need to rekindle our bromance
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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