I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
