Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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