Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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