you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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