I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
