Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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