Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
