I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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