His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
