Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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