dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just invented taco cereal.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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