You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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