mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
