your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
