Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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