I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
