Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
