Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
