I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
