somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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