WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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