Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
