don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
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Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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