your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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