this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
