Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
