You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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